I went to this house for a cup of tea once, in response to an advert, the advert said ‘HOPE, I can provide this over a cup of tea and biscuit, don’t believe me? Then call this number.’ I showed it to my friends and we laughed, what a lonely man must live in this house we thought.
A as time went on more adverts appeared, ‘LOVE, need love? I can help you; we all need somebody to love.
‘INTIMACY come over, have a hug, and feel alive once more’ ‘are you SCARED? Let me show you how to see in the dark, the monsters aren’t so scary when you get to know them’
It was a Monday morning when I finally stopped and looked at the front of the house, I stared up the garden path, it was covered in pink blossom which made it seem so friendly and feminine.
The idea that this person may be in some way in touch with his ‘feminine’ side made it all the easier to stand there.
I thought about the adverts INTIMACY, LOVE, HOPE – did I not crave all these things? Did I not still at the age of 22 still dance longingly around my room to ‘How soon is now’ By the smiths ‘I am human and I need to be lo-ah-oved’ ‘ just like every body else does’ wondering when or even if I’ll ever experience my first kiss?
I didn’t have any money – I wondered if I would have to pay him, I did not want to feel any pressure to pay him any other way, I fantasised of him. Tall and handsome, in a tweed jacket with leather patches on the sleeves, dark brown side parted hair, an older but kind face, a lovely man... Maybe his wife died a few years ago and he had been looking for someone ever since? Maybe he was a writer, like me, maybe he danced around his room too?
The idea that this person may be in some way in touch with his ‘feminine’ side made it all the easier to stand there.
I thought about the adverts INTIMACY, LOVE, HOPE – did I not crave all these things? Did I not still at the age of 22 still dance longingly around my room to ‘How soon is now’ By the smiths ‘I am human and I need to be lo-ah-oved’ ‘ just like every body else does’ wondering when or even if I’ll ever experience my first kiss?
I didn’t have any money – I wondered if I would have to pay him, I did not want to feel any pressure to pay him any other way, I fantasised of him. Tall and handsome, in a tweed jacket with leather patches on the sleeves, dark brown side parted hair, an older but kind face, a lovely man... Maybe his wife died a few years ago and he had been looking for someone ever since? Maybe he was a writer, like me, maybe he danced around his room too?
I knocked on the door and on the third knock I realised the door was not at all shut, I walked in through the main corridor towards what I guessed was the kitchen , even on this sunny day the house was overly hot and filled with a sense of sweat. But it was clean.
‘Hello?’ I mumbled? I am here... About the advert?.. I want hope, love, and intimacy? I know you must be lonely but.. It’s okay... So am I... Intimacy... Is such an abstract term to me, it’s so un- common to me. That’s why I came, because I realised, I am SCARED.’
As the words left my mouth and filtered through the air like germs I saw the table, gingham table cloth, red, Victoria sponge cake and pot after pot of tea , I picked up the pot’s , freezing cold , I looked at the sponge cake , it was rotting away .. Suddenly I felt a presence in the room; I pulled my self up slowly, and began to look around - fridge. Oven. Work surface. Windows. Legs.
My heart stopped and I couldn’t breath , I began to trace the legs up , brown trousers , further up , pink shirt , messy , further up , rope , further up . I didn’t look further up.
Instead I looked right back down – I was filled with heart break , it raged through me , I was disappointed in this man , who was to be my saviour , my hero , my guiding light – what was I going to do now? Who would help me?
I put my selfish needs to one side long enough to call an ambulance.
I walked out the house and looked down at the blossom, it swirled around me and into the street, I felt like I was already at my stranger’s funeral – ashes scattered.
Three weeks later love hit me like a hole in the head and I forgot all about my hero, he did post one last advert, I guess he had asked the paper to print it before he decided he couldn’t wait any longer for friendship to find him.
‘LOVE, FEAR, INTIMACY, HOPE’ are just words, don’t be a voyeur of life, dance around your room forever.
I am sorry , but tea has had to be cancelled.
